Category Archives: real talk

thursday things.

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1. You guys.  This is big.  The new Gilmore Girls episodes have an official premiere date of November 25th.  If anyone needs me the day after Thanksgiving, I’ll be glued to the couch, eating leftover turkey sandwiches and hanging with Rory and Lorelei.  Oh, and taking care of a newborn.  NBD.

2. Mothers of small males… help me.  What’s the official rule with swim diapers and swimsuits in public places?  Do little dudes always need a swim diaper on with their swimsuit?  Or only when their swimsuit doesn’t have the meshy part?  I can’t seem to figure it out.

3. Speaking of my adorable small male… I have a love/hate relationship with this age/phase of his life. Am I allowed to say that?  Let me be clear, I love HIM more than anything… but this PHASE is kinda gnarly.  The thing of it is, he’s so fun and sweet and charming!… like, 60% percent of the time.  The other 40%, he’s crying and whining NON.STOP and for no apparent reason.  I think that it’s a combo of his inability to communicate everything he wants to + testing his boundaries and the such, but for the love of mozzarella sticks, it’s so frustrating.  For all of us.  I know it’s tough on him too, and I’m trying so so hard to be patient and talk him through as much as possible.  But for a person with high anxiety (hi!), the constant sound of whining and crying is like taking a cheese grater to my nerves.  We’ve all been practicing taking a lot of deep breaths lately.  Anyway.  Anyone that I mention this to who has older kids is like MWAHAHAHAHA just wait until he’s 2/3! and I’m all like, shove it.  Maybe this will be his most frustrating age?!  Maybe?!!!!?  MAYBE!  Yah, I doubt it too.

4. Ok, thanks for letting me vent.  Now let me talk about how cute my kid is.  If you follow me on instagram, you maybe saw this video.  He’s been saying new words almost daily and it is so so fun.  But my favorite by far is his “ohhhh yesss”!  Which he says with just a slight lisp.  Sometimes when he says it, I think he sounds like an old-timey fortune teller.  It’s truly the greatest and it makes me want to lick his face.  Is…. that weird?

5. Portland friends, where is the best place to get fried chicken?  I’m asking for a friend…

6. I have something kind of crazy to tell you… I love Chrissy Teigen’s cookbook Cravings.  I started following Chrissy on social media a while ago because 1) she’s hilar and 2) she was always talking about and cooking amazing-looking food.  My two criteria for best friendship status.  Then I found out she had a food blog that I started following, and then she came out with Cravings and I gotta say…. it’s awesome.  I’ve made probably 10+ things from it in the last few weeks and we’ve loved (almost) everything.  Homegirl like’s her shiz spicy though, so I learned the hard way to cut back on some of the peppers/hot sauces.

7. Speaking of spicy, and also something I put on instagram…. sometimes I tell Crosby that things are spicy if I don’t want to share them with him.  Don’t you judge me!  I’m pregnant!  It’s the baby’s fault!

8. When we were in Paris I made sure to stop into a few French pharmacies to check out their famous skincare products. I picked up a couple of things but I have to say that the Embryolisse face cream I bought is magnificent.  I’m so in love with it.  I’ve been using it for about a month now and my face feels like Crosby’s ass.  (??!?)   Anyways, I just started to get worried about what I would do once I ran out but a quick google search taught me that it’s sold at Sephora. HA!  Serves me right for thinking I was being all cool and Franch when I bought it.  But I don’t care because now I know I can buy it whenevs!  And so can you!  Though it is much more expensive here than it was in Paris.  Maybe I need to go back and stock up?  Casey?  Thoughts?

9. Have you guys been watching the Bachelorette?  Ugh, I’m so invested this season and it’s kind of driving me nuts.  I love Jojo but…. she’s been making some really questionable decisions.  In my professional opinion, she just sent home the 2 guys that she has the most actual potential with.  The final two are just duddly duds… with beautiful abs.  Also, I’ve loved Chase from Day 1 but I think watching him crack a beer after being dumped was the most hilarious shit ever.  I love him even more now.  Sometimes I feel the urge to do episode recaps here on the blog but then I remember that I still want you guys to like me.

10. What should one do if she finds a gray eyelash?  I’m asking for a friend…


friday things.

1. I’m sure I’ve said this a million times on the blog, but this stage of Crosby is so much fun. His little personality is the very best. Lately whenever I tell him I love him he responds with “doo doo”. Which… when I type it out, it looks… weird. But he says it in this sweet little voice like he thinks he’s telling me he loves me back. It breaks my heart and makes me so happy all at the same time.

2. Speaking of doodoo. You know what I realized the other day? No matter how much I boss around or scold or command my dogs, at the end the of the day, I’m the one that has to pick up their shit. So who really IS the boss in this equation?

3. I was talking to a girlfriend earlier about the physical feeling of relief that I sometimes get when I finally put Crosby to sleep for the night.  Especially if it’s been a doozy of a day.  It’s like as soon as I shut his door for the night, my entire body releases all this tension that I didn’t even know I had.  You know?  …Oh, you don’t know?  I’m just an awful parent who gets a little high from putting her kid to bed?  Ok, bye.

4. Casey and I and a couple of our friends went to see the play Annie on Broadway the other night.  I was obsessed with that movie as a little person, so of course I loved seeing it live.  Casey and our guy friend weren’t quite as enthused, though they did perk up during “hard knock life” and were both like hey, this is a jay-z song! We’re a well cultured bunch.

5. I mentioned this on the Facebooks a few weeks ago, but Casey and I are going to Europe next month! Oui oui bonjour baguette mademoiselle! (They’re going to hate me over there) One of my best friends is getting married in Paris (!!!) so we’ll be spending time there and in Amsterdam. I’m so so excited to go but also nervous to leave Crosby for that long/that far away. I’ve taken a few trips without him over the past year but this one is a bit more significant. I mean, there will be an ocean between us! And probably bays and estuaries and wetlands and other things! I just have to stay focused on the positives. Which are… best friends, baguettes, croissants, and cheese. Now please dear friends, if you’ve been to either of these places, tell me what we should do while we’re there. Please and thank you! S’il vous plait and merci!

6. I know we’re really late to the game here, but we’ve finally started (binge) watching Homeland. Oh man guys, it’s so good! But also… it gives me terrorism/bombing/ugly pantsuits anxiety. (No but really, Claire Danes’ pantsuits are real bad.) Anyway, the Homeland anxiety was really getting to me, to the point that I was having nightmares and had to request that we put it on hold until we come back from our Europe trip. I’m ridiculous.

7. I finally busted out my maternity jeans for the first time last weekend. This pregnancy has me growing outward bound MUCH faster than the first one. But let’s be honest… maternity jeans are so mother-effing comfortable, I’m not too mad about it. Though I have this theory that maternity pants make me look much more pregnant than regular pants. Does anyone else feel this way? Why is that?? Does the belly panel act as a push-up bra for your belly? Or something? Must look into this…

8. Speaking of bras… My boobs have gone up 2 sizes already during this pregnancy.  In case you were curious.

9. And speaking of buns in the oven.  I had a thought the other day when I was figuring out what to make for dinner.  See, we had hotdog buns, but no hotdogs.  And ground beef, but no hamburger buns.  And as I was considering if I should pull a Steve Martin, I wondered, has anyone in this same situation ever just formed their hamburgers into hotdog-like shapes?  It seems like a win/win to me…

10. I’ll just go ahead and stop talking now.

 

 


thursday things.

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1. A couple of weeks ago my friends and I were talking about celebrity crushes, and I realized that mine are apparently not as normal as others.  My list includes guys like Jason Bateman, Jason Sudeikis, Kevin James (aka Paul Blart Mall Cop) ((don’t judge me)), Jerry Ferrara, John Krasinski…  I think it’s very safe to say I have a definite “type”, right?  Funny fellas with sweet faces.  I mean listen, don’t get me wrong, I’d definitely Netflix and chill with Channing Tatum if he asked nicely.  (Or not nicely, heyo!)  But in general, I’m much more drawn to dudes who make me laugh and whose faces are adorable.  It’s a wonder I ended up with Casey then… ba-dum-tshh!  I’m JUST KIDDING CASEFACE YOU ARE THE CUTEST FUNNIEST BOY I’VE EVER KNOWN LOVE YOU PICK UP SOME ICE CREAM ON THE WAY HOME PLEASE BYE.

2. Crosby started saying please the other day, which comes out more like “easssse!” and it kind of makes me want to tackle him with hugs.  Manners are so cute, guys.

3. Tip of the day: how to make your store-bought hummus taste better!  You know how store-bought hummus can taste kinda… meh?  Well, the trick is to mix in a couple of tablespoons of greek yogurt, and I promise it’ll taste a bajillion times better.  #hippiestuffs

4. There is literally nothing worse in life than my dog Gus’s breath.  In case you were wondering.

5. Anyone watching Fuller House on Netflix?  We watched a couple of episodes last weekend… and don’t hate me but I kind of liked it?  Even though DJ’s voice drives me apeshit.  She sounds like she’s yelling at a normal speaking volume.  At all times.  And yes, the show is still all kinds of cheese, but I can appreciate that some of the humor is a little less G and a little more PG13.  I mean, Kimmy Gibbler made a joke about dropping acid, so at least there’s that.

6. My whole day basically consists of me counting down the hours until I can take my bra off.

7. Speaking of which, does anyone recommend a good wire-free bra?  Much appreciated.

8. Can you believe the last episode of the Bachelor?!  I really do love sweet vanilla Ben, but homeboy is undoubtedly going to be in a shitload of trouble with whoever he actually asks to marry him on the finale.  Poor girl gets proposed to, and THEN has to find out/watch episodes of her fiance telling another woman that he loves her too?  Ugh.  Ben, you doofus.  Anyways, I’m a big huge fan of Jojo but without question I think he picks Lauren.  The guy turns into that emoji with heart eyes whenever he sees her.  They’re cute.  So #teamjojoforbachelorette !!

9. Realizing I talked about Netflix and TV a lot in today’s post.  Note to self: must get out of the house.  Come ON already, SPRING!

10. WTF is Persicope and should I be using it?  Is it like Snapchat?  Or not at all?  Ugh.  Technology is an annoying beast.  If only it had a sweet face and great sense of humor.


february shmebruary.

I don’t know about you guys but I’m going to hold Punxsutawney Phil accountable as hell for his early spring prediction.  I’ve had juuuuuust about all I can handle from this winter.  It’s been a doozy for sure.  Between illnesses and random doctor visits and dental calamities, I think our family alone is keeping the entire healthcare industry afloat.  I’m serious.  At this point, I think we’re owed some branded can koozies or keychains or something.  Or you know, a clean bill of health or whatever.

Okay, enough complaining.  Complaining is for the weak.  Which I am not.  I mean, just the other day I carried 6 bags of groceries + a toddler from my car to my house without dropping a single thing/person!  That’s skillz, my friends.

OMG this gives me an idea… you know what would be so amazing?  Parenting Olympics!  Right?!  Off the top of my head, I’m thinking… a barefoot Lego obstacle course… a child weightlifting challenge… a timed event to see who can find their missing car keys the fastest… and an automatic win to the parent who has the most clever distract-your-kid-while-you-try-to-shower technique.

So, basically these Olympics are just a typical day at my house.


You know what, guys?  Crosby is almost 1 1/2 years old.  Which is so crazy.  Mostly because I thought he was 1 1/2 a while ago, until Casey corrected me.  Whoops.  I swear, when Cros was a baby I knew exactly how many months/weeks/days old he was.  Nowadays I’m like, eh he’s between 1 and 2ish?  If people guess how old he is, I usually just say yes no matter what and then congratulate them on their age-guessing abilities.  It makes them feel good and I get to avoid having to do math in my head = a win-win.

Anyways, (almost) 1 1/2 is the best!  Crosby is so much freaking fun, I tell him everyday that he’s my best friend and I DON’T EVEN CARE if you think that sounds ridiculous.  He’s seriously the coolest.  But with great coolness, comes even greater holy-shit-stop-freaking-the-fuck-out-ness.  And what I mean by that, is that homeboy has straight up mastered the art of the temper tantrum.  I know, I know, it’s only going to get crazier from here… so for now I’m just testing the waters of how to respond and deal when he’s in the throes of a meltdown.  So far, for us, ignoring it makes it worse, every time.  Pacifier works, most of the time.  Talking him through it helps, every once in a while.  Distractions work, sometimes.  And wine helps, every time.  Ba-dum-tshh!

One of Casey’s go-to tantrum techniques is to start singing.  I’ve mentioned this on the blog before but Casey is a chronic song maker-upper.  You never know when he’s going to just bust out with a ridiculous tune that consists of mostly made up words.  It’s pretty wonderful… for the most part.  I mean, in theory, singing is definitely a clever distraction technique. But realistically, it rarely stops Crosby from crying.  And what’s worse, Casey gets so caught up in his song that he doesn’t even notice.  So what actually happens is that I end up with a screaming toddler on the floor, a husband mindlessly belting out a song about hooshkadoos, then the dogs throw in a few barks for good measure, and my brain explodes all over the rug.


Welp. That seems like as good a place to stop as any.

Have a happy Shmebruary Humpday, ya muggles.


how to train your dragon. i mean, your toddler.

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As a first-time mom of an 18-month-old, I find myself constantly conflicted over which way is the best way to raise my kid.  This wasn’t really an issue back in the early days of his life.  Back when we merely existed in the realm of “survival mode”, with each day passing in a blur of feed, burp, change, (attempt) sleep, swap out breast pads, repeat. As tough as those early days could be, there was very little to think about in regards to the discipline and education of my new baby. But the moment Crosby became a toddler, shit got real, real quick. Now each day brings a new challenge, a new discovery, a new phase, a new gray hair…  And with every teachable moment, I become more and more aware of the responsibility I have to, like, raise a decent human being. So, what’s the solution? What is the magical formula for raising a good kid? What is the right style, the best method, the correct approach?

There are endless theories about the best way to raise your kid… and it can all be so overwhelming. The vast amount of information out there makes me want to hurl myself into a vat of merlot. And I know I can’t be the only one feeling this way. I’ve talked at length with my mom friends about this very topic. So in order to save my fellow parents a great deal of time and energy, I’ve done all the research and come up with the very best way to parent your toddler.

Without further ado, here an easy step-by-step guide to train your toddler.

Don’t ever say “no” to your child, it will only teach them to say it back to you.
But definitely say “no” to your child whenever you need to, it builds character and teaches boundaries.

Speaking of boundaries, it’s best to establish firm rules as early as possible.
But give your child independence, they need their freedom to explore.

Establish the parent/child dynamic right away.  Your child needs to know that you’re the boss, always, otherwise they will become disobedient.
But it’s most important to be their friend, otherwise they will lie about everything for the rest of their lives.

Do point out positive traits in other children, such as sharing and using manners.
But do not ever compare your child to another child, it can cause stress for both you and your child. And it will emotionally scar them for life.

Keep your expectations of your child high, so that they learn to work hard and not to give up.
But also keep your expectations low, so that your child can actually meet them and experience the feeling of pride.
If you keep your expectations somewhere in the middle, your child will be boring. And you don’t want to have a boring child, because no one will like them. Including you.

Don’t fight with your partner in front of your little one, it can cause emotional damage and feelings of instability.
But arguing with your partner in front of your kids is good, because it demonstrates conflict resolution.
But only if you argue with a forced smile on your face.

Feed your child only organic homemade, and ideally homegrown food. No sugar or processed foods otherwise you’re setting them up for a lifetime of obesity.
But you don’t want them to crave sweets and unhealthy foods and get eating disorders later in life, so you should actually give them a good mix of food, no restrictions.*

Don’t ever force your child to eat! This can cause mealtime stress and resistance on their part. And pit stains on your part.
But you must make sure that your child is getting at least 5 or more servings of fruit and vegetables per day. If not, they will shrivel up and die. Don’t stress. Be casual!

When you toddler starts to tantrum, get down on their level and talk them through what’s bothering them. This is how they learn to recognize feelings! If you skip this very important step, your child will never know the difference between happy and sad and it will be all your fault.
But whatever you do, do not give your child any attention when they’re throwing a tantrum. You must absolutely ignore them at all costs. This tactic is especially relevant if your child tantrums while at the supermarket. For some reason. In this case, you must always drag them out out of the store kicking and screaming. Just leave your groceries behind, along with your sanity.

Definitely teach your child to share, otherwise they will become a big fat jerk.
But don’t actually force them to share because it undermines their ability to think for themselves.

Make sure your toddler is learning a new word every day, otherwise they will become a slow learner.
But don’t force them to speak before they’re ready, it could stunt their speech.

Introduce the potty as soon as possible! Your child needs to become comfortable with it before using it.
But do not introduce the potty at all until your child shows signs of readiness or they will have bowel issues.

Get excited about potty-training! Always give praise and celebrate the successes!
But DO NOT make a big deal out of the mishaps. In fact, you shouldn’t show any response at all. Potty-training should be serious.

Rewards for good behavior are a great reinforcement for children.
But don’t ever give rewards because then your child is destined to be a spoiled brat.

Any and all screen time is bad.
But educational, time-moderated screen time can be beneficial for building your child’s social skills.
But only if you’re coviewing. And only at certain times of the day. And only if it’s been at least 2 hours since your child last ate.

Don’t overstimulate your child.
But don’t let them get bored.
Both can cause acne.

Be the perfect parent.
But not too perfect, your child needs to see you mess up sometimes.
But not too much.
But not too little either.

So there you have it. You now have all the tools you need to raise the perfect toddler.  It’s easy, right?

(*thanks for the addition, Laura! :) )