what’s your sleep marble number?

First of all, I just want to say thank you to everyone who commented on my revival post.  I swear on everything I own, Madewell purchases included, that one of my favorite parts of doing this is the feedback and conversations that come from it. So thank you. Kindness is real neat.

Ok, so! This is a topic that has come up a lot lately and I wanted some more people’s perspective on….

As a parent, what time do you go to bed?

Because I want to burgle you while you sleep.

Nah just kidding I’m too lazy for that.  But seriously, I’m curious about parent’s bedtime.  Because I’ve had a few conversations lately with Casey and friends… and the answers seem to lean heavily one way or the other.  What it seems is that parents typically fall into one of two camps; team sleep and team night owl.  Team sleep might not be the best name because let’s be honest we all WANT more sleep but some are more motivated to get it than others.  Team sleep goes to bed shortly after their kids.  Team night owl, not so much.

I fall pretty firmly into team night owl status.  Which means that most nights I stay up way later than I probably should. I’d say a typical night for me is going to bed around 11pm.  Sometimes much earlier, sometimes later.  But 11 is about the av.  (That’s average, for lazy people.  Who then end up spelling out average anyway. Twice.)

Sometimes people are shocked when I say that.  Other people are like, girl yes, same.  But it does seem to be a pretty divided sitch.  (That’s situation, for lazy people.  Who then end up spelling out situation anyway. Twice. Is this getting old yet?)

As I said, I’ve been talking to people about this a bit lately.  And the best way I can explain my stance is this… when my kids go to bed, I finally have a minute to myself.  That minute starts so late in the evening (Willa goes to bed at 7 and Crosby at 8, but he usually manages to snack/bathroom/iseeashadow/tuckmein/onemorestory/whydowehavebutts his way until at least 8:30.  At that point, as much as I love my kids, I am just like OK BIIIIIIIIYEEEEEEEE.  So when they are finally both down, I all of a sudden have time to myself and/or time with Casey.  And because that time doesn’t start until so late in the evening, I end up staying up later to just exist in the quiet of not having anything to do other than what I WANT (or sometimes need: I’m looking at you, laundry.) to do.  One netflix show turns into three, one hour of putzing around on my phone turns into blurry vision, one podcast about murder turns into needing to watch an episode of Friends to calm my nerves.  You know?

In addition to that, I also typically want to be physically left alone for a bit once both kids are finally down.  Sometimes, after Casey and I have finally succeeded the bedtime hustle, I’ll plop down on the couch and he’ll squish up next to me and put his hand on my leg or go in for a kiss and I’m all YOU BETTER DON’T.  I need at least 2 feet of personal space for at least the next 30 minutes.  Like I physically need to NOT be touched after being treated like human superglue all.day.long. by small humans and dogs and sometimes Casey if he’s lucky. (Heyo!) (Sorry to all the prudes.)

It’s like this.  It’s like I start the day with a certain level of emotional and physical… marbles.  (I don’t know? Let’s just go with it.)  And all day long I’m handing out these marbles.  You need a hug?  That’s one marble.  You’re having a tantrum and I’m trying to keep my cool?  That’s 15 marbles.  We’re taking family photos?  ALL THE MARBLES.  And in return, my people will often give me their marbles too (this is a terrible analogy and I’m just going to keep going).  But let’s be honest, as a parent of small children, we’re in more of a give/give situation than a give/take with our marbles.  So anyways, I’m giving and taking the marbles all day and by the end, I’m left with a pretty low marble count.  And sometimes I just don’t have much left to give and I what I really want to do is…. nothing.  I want to keep the few marbles I have left for myself.  And doing nothing feels real nice.  So I stay up later than I should to enjoy the nothingness.

This is sounding really dark, and it’s not supposed to!  Marbles!

But the thing of it is.  Even though I’m a team night owl, I still needs to get up at the crack of dawn with my little marble-grabbers.  (seriously, shawnna. think of a different object already.)  And sometimes yes, I’m tired.  Which is when team sleep (cough:casey:cough) is like, well then go to bed earlier ya dummy.  And I hear you, I really really do.  But for me, at this phase of my life, at this phase of my kids lives, staying up late is apparently more important to me than sleep is.  Does that make sense?  I feel like in order to recharge the batts, or re-fill my marble tank! I need a certain amount of nothing time during the day.  And sometimes the only time I can get it is between the hours of 9 and midnight.

All that said.  Am I crazy person?  Please don’t answer that.  Or answer it, but kindly.  And then bring me a cookie.

I’m honestly curious if other parents out there are team night owl?  Orrrr am I the only one sitting on the couch at 10:30 with half a sack of marbles?  Which then opens up the bigger question, is the sack of marbles half-empty or half-full?  UGH SORRY BYE.  #stoptryingtomakemarbleshappenitsnotgonnahappen

Thanks for reading! x

14 thoughts on “what’s your sleep marble number?

  1. I go back and forth on this (depending on my current Netflix obsession) but I try to be on team sleep! And I also lose all my marbles by the end of the day ;)

  2. Shawnna,
    I love reading your blogs because I love the real talk. I’m a FaceBook user and 99% of the posts are of picture perfect lives that make me think everyone’s got this life thing figured out and I’m just a crazy person. lol. Having said that, I don’t comment because I’m scared to tell you that I’m still in the same boat as you on most all topics and my kids are 19, 12 and 10. I’d rather let you hang on to the hope that it’s just a faze and its short lived and things get better because I don’t want to be responsible for the therapy bills so now that I have shattered that hope…. I’ll send wine. sorry!!
    I’m in the same boat with the night owl. Kids go to bed at 8:30/9:00 and then are up approx 12 times in the next half hour to an hour to tell me all the random thoughts going through their heads while they can’t fall asleep and raid the pantry/fridge. So about 10:00 pm I finally get to wind down and watch my recorded shows and enjoying ME TIME. I end up going to sleep at approx 3:00 am. My youngest has to be on the bus @ 6:40 am so I’m always running on caffeine and complaining how tired I am. Joel tells me “go to sleep instead of staying up, duh!” but I too feel like I need the ME TIME more than the sleep I guess.
    P.S. By the time they hit ~12 years of age…… you are going to need a super sized sack of marbles. Sorry, I’ll send more wine.

    1. Oh man. I both love and am scared of your message! But I appreciate the honesty and always love when people are vulnerable with their truth! I always say that once you solve one “thing” with your kids, another thing pops up. It seems like it’s never-ending, and we’re all just constantly trying to figure it out and do our best. I really appreciate your comment because it’s nice to hear from moms with kids of different ages!! Thank you! Also, team night owl!!

  3. Agh it’s like you get me! I’m totally the same and Mike is just like Casey – ‘go to bed earlier if you’re so tired – blah blah blah.’ I go to work all day (which seriously is way easier than staying home with some children), then come home and do the kid thing (eat, play, bed, go back to bed x 10, okay go potty but then right back to be, why are you out here playing? Go back to bed!) and around 9 I finally get some time to myself and I NEED that time to turn my brain off or I go bat shit crazy. And when else am I going to watch my TV shows that I’m already 2-3 episodes behind? Or look at my phone that’s still in my work bag? Kay I’m done – time to watch This Is Us (it’s only 10:22, I can get two episodes in!)

    1. Hahaha yes exactly!!! Sometimes Casey will be like, ok time for bed! And I’m like, really I’m just getting started!? I need blank brain time.

  4. Shawnna –
    I’ve been in your camp my entire life . . . when I had littles and now, even though I don’t.
    It’s MY TIME and no one else can take it from me, unlike all other times of the day. And like you, in the morning I’m exhausted but it doesn’t even matter.

    1. Yes! ❤️ I imagine it’s a habit that’s easy to stick with. I think I’m a permanent night owler. I know some people who like to take time for themselves in the morning before anyone else is awake and I’m like nope. Nighttime is mine!

  5. I feel this. I know I don’t have kids or an actual adult job, so it’s not at all the same. But, seriously, I need time to do nothing so much. Going down internet rabbit holes and watching TV and pretty much doing any other unproductive activity is so necessary. I could sleep ten hours night and still, if I don’t take time to waste time, I will go crazy.
    P.S. I love reading your blog, and I’m so glad you’re back at it. <3

    1. Exactly! The marble theory can apply to anyone, not just parents ;) Some of us just need that time to not do the things.

      And thank you for your sweet comment, I hope you’re doing well!! ❤️

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